A Two for One Deal - #23 and #22

You could probably argue at this point that I am taking the easy way out by picking on small, potentially nameless, inconsequential characters in "Love Actually" and naming them the worst.  

One may think I'm merely doing this for attention (let's be honest, I kinda am) and this countdown will have no pay-off, because the #1 most horrible person will be "Airport Security Manager" - which, real talk, he does a pretty piss poor job by letting Sam run through the whole of Heathrow Airport.  

Perhaps a reader is saying I don't want to offend any of my two readers by targeting the main characters.  

Does Hugh Grant have a fandom?  If he does, do I risk offending them by saying he is absolutely the worst?  He probably isn't...mainly because of his dance to "The Pointer Sisters."  It is written in some ancient text that thou shalt not hate a British man dancing in his slacks to one of the best songs of all time.

Well, friends, no risk, no reward.  Here we go.  I'm going for the big guns today.

Peter and Julia are the WORST.  

As a perpetual third wheel, I do relate to Mark on a visceral level.  And yes, I've conceived doing the cue card thing in my own sad love life.  But I imagine that it goes something like this -

Me, standing at Kyle and John's door (names changed to protect the innocent and because of a likely restraining order).  

I knock.  And old man dressed as Santa and smelling like peppermint schnapps answers.  "Who the hell are you?"
Me: "Ooops, wrong house."
Old Man: "Well, you're cute."

I run away.

I knock again.  This time at the correct door.

John answers.  "Eric, what are you doing here?"
Me: "Actually, ummm, I was hoping to speak with Kyle."
John: "Oh, he's actually in the shower.  Why are you holding a boom box and oak tag?"
Me: "Oh, ummm...I meant to leave these in the car."  I drop the boom box and "Silent Night" starts playing.
John: "Wait...are you...are you doing the Love, Actually cue card scene?"
Me: "Ummm...no...I mean, I don't even know what that is."
John: "Oh my GOD.  KYLE, COME DOWN HERE.  ERIC IS DOING THE CUE CARD SCENE FROM LOVE ACTUALLY FOR YOU.  Do you need me to run upstairs and pretend it's carol singers?"

Anyway, we can save that for therapy.  Back to Peter and Julia being horrible.

Are they so in love that they are completely oblivious to Mark's insanely huge unrequited crush on Julia?! 

I'm all about being extra, but neither of them thought it weird he went out of his way to book such an extravagant wedding surprise?!  

Even painfully oblivious Laura Linney picks up on what Mark is putting down...and his best friend can't?!?!

And then when he believes there are carol singers at the door, Peter tells Julia to give them a quid and tell them to bugger off.  So, not only are you a horrible friend, you don't mind taking a giant shit on those who are just trying to spread some Christmas cheer!!!

AND THEN JULIA KISSES MARK AS IF THAT WON'T MESS WITH HIM ANY MORE?!?!!?

These.young.trendy.London.hipsters.are.the.WORST!

"Love Actually"...more like "Emotional Manipulation Actually and I'm going to go cry in a corner and process how I feel after this roller coaster of feelings."